Ever since my girls were born, we’ve had a pretty routine bedtime schedule. We’re not super strict — we’ll stay out late or let them linger before bed — but with three daughters and a million responsibilities, my husband and I definitely need that “clock out” moment. We need them to all be in their rooms, settled for the night, so that we can fully unwind and be off duty. As they’ve gotten older, it’s been a little tougher. Sometimes they’re up until 9:00 or 9:30, and we’ve had to change our expectations.
But one mom on Reddit wants to know if it’s totally out of pocket to just send your kids to their room at night anyway… even if they aren’t ready for bed.
The original poster (OP) took to the subreddit /parenting to ask, “Is it OK to send kids to their rooms at like 7 p.m. to have some child-free time at night?” The OP shared that even though their child is still a baby, they’ve been wondering how nighttime relaxation will go as their kid grows. “Is it possible to send your kids to their bedrooms at like 7 p.m. once they’re fed and showered, take their phones for the night, and then just say you don’t have to sleep, but can hang out in your room, do your homework, read, play whatever you want, and go to sleep when you want, but can only come out to use the bathroom or something serious because it’s now ‘parent time’?”
OP explained that this is how their own parents handled them when they were kids, and that they and their siblings “never questioned it.” It was just the norm. “I kind of feel like, if I’m the one who is doing everything to meet every person’s needs and wants and cooking and cleaning for everyone and my partner is at work all day to provide, then surely it’s OK to map out some time for them to leave you alone, too?” OP asked. “So is it OK to do? Is it cruel? Isolating?”
I vote yes. But the rest of it can really depend on your kids.
As my girls have grown, we still continue to put them all to bed — including our 11-year-old. We read books, sing songs, cuddle, and then everyone goes to bed together. On school nights, this starts around 8:30ish, with us leaving their room at 9. Our girls can continue to read and talk, and honestly, we usually still hear them at 10:00 talking to each other and reading stories out loud.
Where I’ve struggled is on weekends and during school breaks. It feels “wrong” to send them to bed when they don’t have to get up for school in the morning, but also… I need a break.
And the general Reddit consensus? Parents deserve alone time. Where they seem more divided is whether a nightly “parent time” rule is the right way to get it.
A lot of the comments reminded OP that there’s nothing wrong with wanting (and needing) some time to yourself. “I wouldn’t necessarily brand it as a negative to yourself,” one commenter wrote. “All human beings need the things you’re trying to arrange for in terms of time to be themselves, have private moments, etc. Teaching your kids that making that space for yourself to unwind is important isn’t really a negative thing in and of itself.”
Of course, this might require some creativity to get that alone time.
“You have to find ways for some grown-up time. That’s absolutely fair. But it’s going to change from age to age as to when and how you have it. Be flexible, look for ways to carve out that time. Life will change and you need to change with it,” one commenter wrote.
But there were also a lot of commenters who shared how bummed out they were to think about cordoning off your kids on the other side of the house so you can have some alone time.
“I would feel very sad if I grew up and was banished to my room for hours before bed when I want to spend time with my parents every single day. Mom died when I was 14, and Dad died a decade later. So all of the time spent with my parents, I hold very dearly to,” one commenter wrote.
“Every night? Even as teenagers?” another commenter asked. “In my opinion, that doesn’t seem fair to have members of the household sectioned off in their room and not allowed to be in the house they live in. I understand wanting time to yourself, but don’t you also want to spend quality time with your children?”
The reality is that most families probably land somewhere in the middle.
We all know parents need some alone time to recharge. Most of us are also painfully aware of how quickly the years fly by. The challenge isn’t in deciding whether parents deserve a break (we do!); it’s figuring out how to carve out that time without making kids feel shut out of family life.
To that end, some commenters suggested that OP wake up before their kids if they need that alone time, while others shared a reminder: At some point, your kids are going to have their own lives… and you’ll be kind of hoping they just want to hang out in the living room with you.
