Courtesy of Christina Valhouli.
- When my boys were babies, I obsessed over healthy food and made every meal from scratch.
- As teens, their diets shifted to junk food, and I’ve stopped obsessing about what they eat.
- I’ve realized that what my kids eat doesn’t define my parenting or how they’ll eat forever.
When my two sons were babies, I was one of those moms. As a “sanctimommy,” I was obsessed with giving them the best start in life.
It started easily enough, with exclusively breastfeeding. Then, when they started eating solids, I made all my own baby food. I spent hours steaming and pureeing fruit and vegetables, and freezing them in tiny ice cube trays. If we were on the go and my babies needed a snack, I’d skip the jarred baby food and mash up a banana with a fork. I was all natural, all the time.
I never made my kids the usual family favorites like frozen pizza, mac and cheese, or chicken nuggets. When my older son turned 6 and requested kale and roast chicken for his birthday dinner, I felt like I was crushing it as a parent. My kids even ate crab legs and oysters! I was smug.
Courtesy of Christina Valhouli.
They went to school, and vegetables disappeared
The healthy meals I packed in grade school started to disappear in middle school when they stopped bringing their own lunches. The boys ate what their peers did in the cafeteria, such as nacho bowls and French toast sticks.
Their cafeteria even had a slushie machine and ice cream. I let it go because it was just lunch, and I was also secretly thrilled about not having to spend my morning packing lunches.
My sons are now in high school, and they’re allowed to leave campus for lunch. With freedom and their own money, lunch has become a steady rotation of pizza, convenience store snacks, and Chick-fil-A.
Courtesy of Christina Valhouli.
On particularly rushed mornings, I’ve even handed them whatever baked goods we have on hand for breakfast, such as leftover cake. Convenience and sanity win out over nutrition. Yes, I have definitely softened my stance on food.
I learned how to let go
I still cook healthy meals and keep nutritious food in the house because that’s how my husband and I like to eat, and I’m trying to model good eating habits. But now that my children are 14 and 18, I no longer police everything they eat.
I’m tired of food being one more thing to hassle them about. I’m already on top of them for grades, chores, and curfews, and this year we’re also dealing with college applications. I don’t want my relationship with my kids to be all about conflict. Food was the easier one to give up on a bit.
As I watch my kids demolish a package of Mallomars, washed down with a Monster Energy drink, I shudder inwardly but remind myself I can’t control everything. And I don’t think I should. Raising kids is also about learning to let go and let them make their own decisions, even when we may not agree with them.
Courtesy of Christina Valhouli.
What also helped me step back is remembering the junk I used to eat as a teenager. Eventually, I grew out of it and started paying attention to how different foods made me feel. I have to trust my kids will figure that out, too.
What really matters now
My boys have not eaten dark, leafy greens in years, but I’m reconsidering what it means to raise a “good eater.” My older son regularly hosts his friends for barbecues and can grill a mean steak. Vegetables are noticeably absent, but I’m impressed that he can cook and has learned the joy of eating with friends. My younger son loves to go out for Korean food with his buddies.
Maybe raising good eaters (and good humans) isn’t about how much kale they consume, but about letting kids find their own way and recognizing that food brings people together, even if it’s over a bag of Takis.
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