I wanted to end a long-term friendship and thought ghosting was the best option. I was wrong.

• When I wanted to end a long-term friendship, I thought ghosting would be the best option.
• But then I remembered a friend who ghosted me without explanation, and it hurt.
• I decided to have the tough conversation and tell them that I didn’t want to be friends anymore.

I recently came to terms with the fact that I didn’t want to talk to a longtime friend anymore. I didn’t know how to tell them, and I didn’t want to make a “big thing of it.” I knew I could just tell them the truth, but I figured that would just be too complicated and hurtful.

Instead, I decided it would be less awkward to just let it fizzle out over time. Instead of ignoring them when they got in touch, I would just be short and to the point. I hoped they’d get the hint.

I figured it’s not quite ghosting a friend, but it’s also not not ghosting either. I guess I was hoping that they would sense the shift in our relationship and naturally move on, but that didn’t happen.

In the past, a friend had ghosted me

Years ago, a friend ghosted me, so I know how it feels to be on the receiving end. We were close friends, so when they suddenly stopped talking to me without explanation, it was confusing and painful. It felt really mean.

It was such an odd feeling to have been friends with someone for so long, and then, for no apparent reason on your end, they just stop talking to you.

I thought back on how I felt during that time and reconsidered my plan to ghost. I thought more about the alternative: communication.

I decided to talk through the end of our friendship

Every time I replied half-heartedly to my friend, knowing that I was ultimately faking my interactions, it just didn’t feel kind. Even though I didn’t want to do it, I knew the right thing to do was to be upfront and honest.

I didn’t want to be friends with them anymore, but when I thought about our friendship as a whole, it felt disrespectful to end contact without explanation.

Once I communicated how I felt with them, I was surprised by the result. I felt dignified in my feelings, and it was actually empowering.

Deciding not to ghost helped us both

I realized that avoiding the situation head-on would have hurt me in the long run, too. Talking to them about the situation helped me process why I wanted to end contact. I was so worried about hurting the other person’s feelings that I forgot my feelings mattered, too.

While confronting the situation was difficult, it gave me closure. And even though it was uncomfortable, I know it was the right thing to do.

I had forgotten about something I often remind my son: the right thing is often the more difficult thing to do, but that’s usually how you can tell it’s what you need to do.