When was the last time you had a one-on-one meeting with someone you lead? How did it go? Did it feel energizing? Did you leave feeling aligned and connected? Or did you, like many leaders and team members, question the point of the meeting?
The 1:1 meeting is broken. For those that have them regularly, they feel repetitive and more like a chore than a meaningful conversation. As a result, many have gotten into the habit of skipping them, simply checking in through chat. Or they’ve spread them further apart, meeting maybe once a quarter on high-level goals. This is not the answer to the broken 1:1, because effective one-on-ones are critical to the health of the organization and the leader/team member relationship.
There are three key areas where a 1:1 can break down if not approached with clear intention.
1. Planning
This is the stage leading up to the actual meeting. It involves scheduling the meeting, deciding a regular cadence, and coming up with an agenda. Here’s where most leaders go wrong at this stage:
They don’t prioritize the 1:1
This shows up in a few different ways. The most obvious one: simply never scheduling one-on-ones. This can also occur when the leader regularly cancels the 1:1 to accommodate other priorities. It sends the message that meeting with your team members isn’t important to you.
They don’t prepare an agenda
We know there isn’t enough time in the day to get to everything we’d like to. As a result, preparing agendas for 1:1s often falls to the bottom of the to-do list. Although it might seem like an inconvenience or an extra step, meetings are most effective when both people have given forethought to what needs to be discussed and their answers to any questions. To remove the need to create a new meeting plan every week, keep a running list that can be transferred easily to the agenda.
2. Connecting
Connection is ideally what happens in the meeting itself, but it doesn’t happen by default. Real connection is built intentionally by showing up fully engaged. Here are some common mistakes that break the opportunity to connect.
Allowing distractions
We all have a million things going on at once. Reading email, responding to chats, or multitasking during 1:1s is a quick way to signal to the person in front of you that they are not your priority. By simply turning your notifications off for 30 minutes, you create an environment where your team members know they have your full attention. This can have a huge impact on engagement and the quality of your one-on-ones.
Avoiding the real issues
When 1:1s become a “check-the-box” item, leaders miss the chance to recognize and address the real challenges their team members are facing. Often there is a lot that goes unsaid because the routine has made it clear that this is not the place to discuss them. It’s up to the leader to break this cycle. If you see that something is off, address it. If you’re not sure what the issue is, ask questions. Allow the other person to speak first and put their thoughts on the table. Before responding, repeat or summarize so they know that you heard them accurately. Then share what you agree with, or were not aware of, before expressing your perspective. Follow that by a question that engages them to reflect what you have said.
3. Reinforcing
Sometimes leaders get the first two stages of the 1:1 right and walk away from the meeting feeling good, only to come back the next week and feel they’re right back where they started. That’s because they neglected the reinforcement stage. This is where change happens. It usually occurs at the end of the meeting when you establish next steps and action items and includes the time between meetings where you and your team member hold yourselves accountable to those action items. Here are two ways reinforcement falls through the cracks.
Tasks are not accomplished
When we step out of our one-on-ones it’s all too easy to get swept up in the routine of our day-to-day work. Sometimes the items we agreed to get done during a 1:1 get forgotten or pushed off. But without follow-up, 1:1s are just talk. That doesn’t mean you or your team member need to hold yourselves to an unrealistic standard. If you were unable to complete something, be transparent and honest about why, and revise the timeline or deliverable within reason. Even outside the meeting itself, effective leadership is all about communication.
Leaders don’t offer enough support
One-on-ones are just one piece of the puzzle in building the leader-team member relationship. It is critical in building trust and creating a line of communication. But as a leader you need to be consistent with your words and actions inside and outside of these meetings. If your team member is performing well, make sure they know that! Give them kudos privately and publicly. Make sure they know you are on their side.
Take the time to make 1:1s impactful
One-on-ones may seem simple on the surface, but there is a lot of thought and effort that goes into making them impactful. For many, their 1:1s are broken, but that doesn’t mean it’s too late to change. Sometimes creating a clean slate can be as simple as being transparent with your team members. Get regular 1:1s on the calendar and let them know you are refocusing your efforts to make these meetings work for them. Most will be willing to give it a chance. Then it’s up to you to deliver.
