White Elephant gifts fall into two categories. There’s the novelty item that gets a huge laugh, takes one triumphant lap around the room, and disappears into the black hole at the back of your closet. Then there’s the unexpected G.O.A.T everyone clamors for. It’s useful. It’s clever. It leaves everyone thinking “Why didn’t I think of that?”
This year, we’re making a case for a sleeper hit: a pack of Energizer® Ultimate Lithium® AA batteries. Hear us out.
Sure, batteries might not spark the immediate razzle-dazzle of a mini karaoke machine or a candle shaped like a plate of spaghetti. But they do have something arguably more powerful: the ability to solve a future problem. These pocket-sized powerhouses keep your life going. Especially when we’re talking about the holidays.
Picture it. It’s December. The house is lit up like a regional airport runway. Your kid has acquired approximately 11 new objects that beep, flash, sing, or inexplicably do all three. Somewhere in your home, a tiny screwdriver is about to become the most important object you own.
In the midst of all this, the question hits you. Did you remember to buy batteries? Exactly. Why should you stock up on Energizer® batteries for this year’s white elephant? Let us count the ways.
A Long Shelf Life: The Gift That Keeps On Giving
There’s something deeply satisfying about having an aggressively stocked battery drawer. It’s the domestic equivalent of having a full tank of gas and remembering to defrost the chicken before 5 p.m.
Energizer® Ultimate Lithium® AA batteries have a 25 year shelf life, which means your White Elephant contribution could conceivably still be hanging around when today’s toddlers are complaining about their own toddlers.
That also makes them the rare holiday gift that comes with absolutely no urgency. Nobody needs to exchange them for another size. Nobody has to smile politely while wondering whether the gift giver simply regifted the item. Nobody needs to dig it out of the back of the dresser to wear the one time the gifter comes by a year.
They call it the battery drawer for a reason. And one day, perhaps years from now, you open it in a moment of need and discover them sitting there. Cause you planned ahead.
Because Everything In Your House Suddenly Needs Batteries
December has a way of revealing just how much of your home is quietly powered by AA batteries.
The flameless candles? Batteries. The light-up garland? Batteries. The singing stuffed reindeer Grandma bought your child despite your explicit request for “nothing with sounds”? You better believe that thing needs batteries.
Just when you thought you were out of the woods, Christmas morning arrives and ushers in a fresh crop of tiny battery-powered overlords. Race cars. Remote controls. Games. Noise-making toys that leave you wondering whether the toy’s product designer has ever met a parent.
Energizer® Ultimate Lithium® is the #1 longest-lasting AA battery, designed to keep the devices your family relies on going and going.
Is it slightly ironic to give someone batteries that could keep their kid’s noisiest toy going and going? Yes. That’s the risk you take.
The Thing You Absolutely Forgot To Buy
Parents are responsible for approximately 900 invisible holiday tasks at any given moment. There are teacher gifts to procure, cookies to bake, presents to hide, and at least one school theme day you will learn about at 9:47 p.m. the night before.
So batteries? Batteries are getting forgotten.
They are perhaps the quintessential “Oh, shoot!” holiday purchase. The thing you realize you need precisely when every store is closed, and a child is staring at you with the devastated expression of someone whose brand-new toy is apparently just a decorative object now.
Which is why Energizer® Ultimate Lithium® AA batteries make such a sneaky-good White Elephant gift. You’re not really giving someone batteries. You’re giving them the ability to skip one future panic trip to the store.
So yes, wrap up the batteries. Everyone can laugh when they’re opened. Until the snatching starts.
Stock up on Energizer® Batteries today!
